Summer vacation 2012

This, my friends, was no staycation. 

Remember our blog posts about a year ago all about the trip we took to Mexico and by the end our three blog readers were all completely sick of us and our vacation and didn't stop by to see our blog again for another 6 months? Well here is another exhausting vacation post, so consider yourself warned.

In summary, we (Alex, Lucy, Lola, and I) drove out to the West, sucked in some fresh, non-humid, mountainous air and left Ruben at home to protect the house. It was a long drive.

Our first stop was to the home of Seed Saver's Exchange where we saw some of their heritage animals (Ancient White Park Cattle) and a whole lot of nicely weeded plants. It was a very nice place and I asked if they would let me move into their barn but they are full right now. 

On the way out, we stopped by the iconic Mt. Rushmore. Alex says I should call it the ironic Mt. Rushmore.   But that doesn't make any sense. It was worth the visit. I wore a side ponytail that day so you will not be seeing any pictures of me.

The corn palace was NOT worth the visit.

This is where we camped the second night at the Wind River Indian Reservation. It was windy and gorgeous. 

 Seeing the mountains again almost made me want to cry. It was like seeing a family member again that I hadn't seen for way too long.

We stopped by Jackson, WY where we had our honeymoon 5 years ago. I wouldn't expect you to know that  since we didn't have a blog back then. This is a little candy kitchen where we bought these amazing chocolate covered caramels on our honeymoon so of course we had to go get some more. The lady remembered us from our honeymoon as that adorable couple. I made that up, but the caramels were just as amazing as the last time we were there. 

We were lucky enough to be able to see a whole lot of family and friends during our trip, which made the trip very memorable and special for us. 

Lucy and Lola were great travel buddies.

We went to a petting zoo. 

Alex has the wingspan of a golden eagle. 

I don't. I am more in the turkey vulture range.

We were able to connect with a lot of good friends and I am very grateful for that. 

We're over halfway done. I don't blame you if you closed this page a long time ago. 

 Hazel is an awesome marshmallow eater. Notice Asher in the background. He was being a stinker and not letting me take a picture of him.

Me first thing in the morning.

 We hiked to the top of Squaw Peak overlooking Provo. We ran most of the way down which made me as sore as I have been since I ran a marathon. Of course, then we had to go and do a bunch of hikes around Arches two days later which nearly killed me. Or it nearly killed Alex, whose shoulder I leaned on every time I had to walk down a slope because my legs were killing me so badly.

BUT all the views and scenery were way worth it.

 This is a view of Timpanogos (which we hiked a few years ago) from Squaw Peak. 

This is also one reason why it is not a bad idea to live in Utah.

 And... Arches. This is Landscape Arch. 

The iconic (ironic?) Delicate Arch. Who named it that anyway? 

Do you see me over in the corner? That is me getting sunburned. 

Finally, Canyonlands. Too beautiful for words. I feel the need to go back there someday and hike, boat, camp, horseback ride, and/or backpack.

 Stunning. 

If you made it to the end of the post, I owe you a cupcake.

What we do when we are waiting on road construction

It's true - we are special.

In other news, I made these not too long ago. They were really delicious (dare I say... better than the original.)

Finally, for those of you out there that would like to know me better but are limited by time or distance, here is a tidbit that will help you understand me better: I am obsessed with National Geographic. Seeing one of those magazines in my mailbox is enough to just about make my day. I am in the habit of not reading them right away and always having at least one unread magazine hanging around. It is my security blanket.

In the last issue I read (May I believe) I came across this really cool article about club winged manakins. Here, watch the video:

This is a post

and it is about me. About us, really. And about our journey through life. I have the feeling (true or not, I don't know) that a lot of people are curious to know why we don't have kids yet and I suspect they suspect they know the reason but don't want to ask. And me, not being an overly open person, for better or worse, will not usually volunteer information. So we just go along, assuming the other person knows what we want to talk about but never talking about it. It's probably just me that thinks that actually. I think that I think other people think about me more than they actually do. I guess that means I'm vain.

I have felt a need to express what we are experiencing on this blog. I am not sure why but mostly for the above stated reason that people don't want to ask me but I actually do want people to know. I feel/hope that everyone who reads this blog is a friend or family member who I care about and I want all of you to know our experience so you don't have to guess or wonder. I want you to feel like you can ask me about it if you want to or pray for us if you feel the urge. So, since plenty of people are completely open about their reproductive habits (by getting pregnant and having kids and all), I feel that I can also be open about the fact that I am not pregnant, do not know when I will be, but hope to be yesterday. Alex and I are starting down the path of trying to figure out what the problem is and we don't have all the answers yet.

I don't really expect or want sympathy from this post, but I just want to tell people so they know. So that when I talk to you in the future I don't have to wonder if you are wondering about it. That is all. It is a purely selfish thing really. I feel the need to unburden myself of this information.

In the time that I have wanted to get pregnant, I have watched many friends and family members get pregnant and have their kids. None that I can think of that have done it twice in that same time, at least not yet. While I will admit I am sometimes tempted to feel sorry for myself about all of these fertile people around me and at the very least, envy their good luck and happiness, in fact I am happy for each of these wonderful little people entering the world and the families that will love them. I want all of you fertile people out there reading this to know that.

I think that infertility can be a sensitive and painful subject for a lot of women that struggle with it. Maybe it will be for me someday, although I hope not and I am not planning on it. Am I sad about it? Of course I am sometimes, but not that often. Sometimes I feel the need to grieve a loss if you can call it that (that is what it feels like), so I do for a bit and then I move on. Overall, I am confident that we will have a family and I feel that there are things that I need to learn from this journey that will eventually help me to be a better mom. And when I finally get kids I will love them and not call them flea bags.

A few things help me to have a hopeful perspective and not let myself spiral down into self-pity. The first is the faith that God loves me and has a plan for my life. That is the main one. Then after that there are a few things I remind myself of from time to time. One is when Elder Packer said in this past General Conference that people who want kids, even if unable to have them, are much better off than those who can have kids but won't. There was a recent Ensign article from a woman who had infertility for years and some of her lessons also stick in my head, and also I have come across a blog from a couple who struggles with infertility that has an amazing positive outlook on life. Then when I think about it in the grander scheme of things, I think how grateful I am for my two hands. My hands do everything for me. I couldn't bake, sew, ride a bike,  work, floss, etc without my two hands. I am so grateful for hands! You might think I am being silly because you can't hear my voice, but I am actually seriously grateful for my hands. And I am also grateful for the fact that I have food and I don't have to wonder where it is going to come from. Seriously, I am so blessed.

That was a long post relatively and it didn't have pictures so it is really boring. The end.