Clouds and life philosophy

It is nearly 7 years now since I entered the MTC (Missionary Training Center) where I would learn Polish for 8 weeks before starting my mission in Poland. Those were days of great excitement and anticipation for me. I was full of the desire to serve and to teach and to love. I was blessed with a handful of dedicated missionaries to learn with in the MTC and with three wonderful language and gospel teachers, Brat (Brother in Polish) Cook, Brat Badylak, and Brat ... I can picture his face... dang it. Despite the fact that my memory fails me, our teachers were constant sources of inspiration and dedication. Can you imagine being in a room for multiple hours a day with a dozen 19- and 21-year-olds, trying to teach them a very difficult language in only 8 weeks, instruct them in gospel principles that they will then have to go teach in a foreign language, keep their attention when they really only want to be out on their mission NOW, and all the while being an unfailing example of patience and love? I am sure that many MTC teachers do it, but few better than mine did.

I think back to my 21-year-old self with a certain amount of respect for that unwavering energy and willingness to serve and work and make a difference in someone's life. Now, a few years later, mired in the sometimes monotony of "normal life", I rarely muster the kind of energy I had during my time in the MTC and on my mission. However, as eager and willing as my 21-year-old self was, I also recognize that I have since learned a few things about life that I didn't know back then (and that would have definitely helped me to be a better missionary.)

That was all a lengthy and roundabout way to introduce one of those life lessons that my trainer taught me. Lindsay Green (now Hibbert) was my first companion in Poland in a city named Lodz (pronounced woodge). I was often hard on myself and probably hard on others in those first days of being a missionary in Poland (and, let's be honest, probably most of my time as a missionary). I wanted to work hard and be the perfect missionary and when I or others did not meet my expectations, my judgement (while I mostly tried to keep to myself) was harsh and fast. She probably recognized this about me, and in one of the notes she wrote me, she said something to this effect: "Make sure that your highs are as high as your lows are low." It didn't mean much to me then, but I have thought about it many times since and I think I have come to appreciate a little what she meant. My interpretation of that, adding some of my own philosophy, is that it is a part of life to experience lows (disappointment in ourselves, others, or our circumstances), but they can help us grow as long as we learn from the situation or our mistakes and don't let it define us. BUT we should also make sure that we enjoy and truly experience and celebrate the high points, which can be as simple as very small steps upward or the simple but wonderful beauties of life. I think Elder Uchtdorf put it best in his recent General Conference address:

God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths, but He knows that this is a long-term goal. He wants us to become perfect, and if we stay on the path of discipleship, one day we will. It’s OK that you’re not quite there yet. Keep working on it, but stop punishing yourself.

Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself.

In the meantime, be thankful for all the small successes in your home, your family relationships, your education and livelihood, your Church participation and personal improvement. Like the forget-me-nots, these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him. If you consider success to be only the most perfect rose or dazzling orchid, you may miss some of life’s sweetest experiences.

Sister Green also taught me to look upward. She is from Alaska (a beautiful state, I can only imagine), and even though Lodz is reported to be one of the ugliest cities in Poland, she was constantly taking pictures of ... clouds! They amazed her with their beauty. It gave me a new appreciation of one of the simplest beauties in life. Now, living in the flattest place on the planet short of the ocean and finding myself missing the mountains, I too am sometimes amazed at the pure and simple beauty of the sky and the clouds. It always makes me think of her when I catch myself admiring the clouds.