Gooberschnoozles, etc.

Warning: Explicit content. Read at your own risk. No pictures have been posted out of concern for my audience.

I have currently been in Atlanta for two weeks. It was all going quite well until I developed the largest gooberschnoozle I have ever had in my life. Ever. Right on the end of my nose. It started benignly enough, just a little red patchiness. Then, last week one day, as I was minding my own business, I came to the realization that this was not yo' mama's average gooberschnoozle; it was going to be a full blown, scheming, corrupt gooberschnoozle and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Over the next few days, it became an angry, frustrated, discontent gooberschnoozle apparently convinced it is destined to take over my nose. The fight is still not over. In fact, I am not sure it has even really begun.

This was an inconvenient time to have a fuming, bubbling, gurgling gooberschnoozle on my nose. I am new here, and it is hard to make friends when you have a depraved and misdirected gooberschnoozle; it is like the dead draft horse lying in the middle of the room that everyone tries to ignore and not trip over. And I am trying to impress people, here. I mean, do people write good letters of recommendation for people that have sneaky, underhanded gooberschnoozles? I don’t even know. Does anyone out there know anything on this topic?

For the few of you out there that might still be reading this and aren’t totally disgusted and dismayed, please know, that while I can’t promise gooberschnoozle-free friendships, I am a loyal and compassionate person and I still want to be your friend.

The end.